An Ode to my lost love

Love was always ‘freedom’ to me. Free emotions, Free love, Free lives!!

Friends ask me, “don’t you miss him in your life.” I don’t know or maybe I don’t realize as I have a busy life. Missing a person in your life means missing a caring heart, a few phone calls, an outlet for your happiness, your frustration and if this is all about missing a person, I think I never missed him. I am emotionally independent since the time I was born so missing a caring heart is no big deal; moreover I don’t feel comfortable when somebody is caring for me. Phone calls?  Well, I talk to my 5 five fingers of friendship, almost every day plus the fifth one stays with me and her nagging habits and the non-stop 24*7 loud mouth hardly let me miss any tête-à-tête or pillow talk in my life. And yes, the frustration, I got to tell you this part!! Recently I have grown this habit of abusing people and learning new slangs and at this moment, I can proudly say I know at least 100s of Hindi, Pahadi, English, Portuguese and Spanish slangs which can lob all the sleeping bugs out of your ears. Believe me or not; but when you abuse someone loudly with the dirtiest slang you ever know, you feel extremely relaxed and happy.

So, if I don’t miss him and my lost love; why I am so sad and incomplete. When everybody is around me then why I miss someone every time. Maybe I really don’t miss him but for sure I miss something. Now, when somebody asks me to trust her or him I look at their face with a raised eyebrow. Now, when somebody tells me about their love stories, everything seems a big lie to me. Now, when somebody smiles at me, I start looking for the reasons behind that smile. Dreams, smiles, love, and care – everything is so momentary. No doubt I am stronger now, but I miss my fragility. For sure, I have become more secure in my life but I miss those little vulnerabilities, I used to have. I live more in my present now but I miss that little girl who used to spend hours and hours in thinking about past and daydreaming about future.

I miss that beautiful and confident lady inside me who was ready to love a person with whole heart, surrendering everything of hers for that love. I miss those sanguine eyes that used to believe ‘Everything will be alright in true love.’ I miss that innocence in my smile when I used to wait for him for hours and hours without ‘a single blue line of nerves’ on my forehead. I miss that woman who used to trust everyone and anyone in love. I miss that woman whom my friends used to say, ‘you are lucky darling.’

When I fell in love; I remained the same person; I was before love. In fact I came to know who I am, when in love. But to my surprise, falling out of love was different. I was no more ‘Me’. I knew and I used to believe that you don’t make love; In fact its’ love that makes you. But love sometimes breaks you, and that too in the finest parts and even if you try to gather those parts and make a ‘new of you’, it will always be ‘a new of you’ not ‘the same you’. so I don’t say I miss him or I miss my lost love but for sure I miss ‘Me’ , I miss the person I used to be when in love….


26 thoughts on “An Ode to my lost love

  1. That was wonderfully written Pooja! infact honestly expressed. Everything does change and the I miss me” is truth..but the change is ineveitable and it always brings the best in you..the best comes after you go thru the worst…so when You miss youself..try to become what you were before that.So to move on wth changes ,learning,adapting..but still remaining same at the heart..u will never ‘Imiss me” feeling…coz u know ur matter what comes and goes.

    • Thank you Saumya…difficult times always leave you as a different person; though a stronger, better and more considerate one ; but for sure a different one…It’s not a personal situation but I know it would have been same; if i were in the same phase…

  2. LOVE – a very interesting topic.
    Sometimes, we mistake infatuation for love.
    Sometimes we are unable to differentiate among- infatuation / lust / love.
    And yet some others(sentimentalists), are simply in love with ‘LOVE’ !!!

  3. That was a really sweet blog, and it was so heartfelt it made me feel sad – real sad emotion, on the brink of tears.
    I have never fallen in love, though with reference to another comment up there “sometimes we mistake infatuation for love” I have been infatuated with boys, and only realised when I have stepped back from a situation what an awful mistake that would have been…
    Because I don’t have any experience, I cannot console you or give you advice, only say that you wrote an excellent blog and I am sure somebody/something AMAZING is just round the corner, however long it takes to go round that corner.

  4. That’s a nice piece, Pooja.
    I have often thought that nobody understands love properly because it’s impossible when it transforms you…. often makes you something you are not… I don’t think that’s a good thing.

  5. I thought something has died within me…… mind went blank for a while after reading this blog. What an accomplished writer you are going to become Pooja. Keep up writing with same spirit…read Nikita Singh (an upcoming writer).

    I wish this is just a creation of your writing skill and not on personal note as some people commented.

  6. nycly written puja …..whatever is..going in lyf.. prsn themselves knowing ..better…! at least these thing help us to discover ourselves or the prsn ….inside us….!!!
    n nd no need to tell u dea dat m fan of ur writng..:))

  7. You know what Pooja….I’ve fallen in love with this post! To be honest I would say once we fall in love we can never ever be the same…and when the loved ones leave, they take a part of us that can never ever come back…and so we can never revert to what we were when we were not in love. Nice post!

  8. An Ode to my lost love
    Really a good one written by u.But i think love never can be expressed,it s only a pour never can be in forced form.Love means liberty.if beloved in joy ,we too ,bcs.v lv.her happines,joy , s not matter thy lv us or s to us lv liv.with someone is only a momentary enjoy,charm may finish,really always when i m n frust.dep.& remind her innocence ,smiling face every worry leave me.actually in lv we lv someone s pour soul ,it s not activity,it s entrtain,caring ,ethu.
    otherwise how when we saw someone 1st time ,seems, we know each other from earlier,it cannot be a relations of minds .it s a relations of hearts souls.

  9. Really Pooja very well written. while reading this blog got emotional. Every person gone through these phases and when He came out of it. He get to realise that hes not the same as earlier. And tries to fill the gap from past and present. But the better way is………. adapt the changes.

    Pooja I am become fan of ur writing. I also read the one which on womens and u written that bog very beautifully too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s