‘love left us’ – Part 2 -‘Sacrifice in love’

January 2012, leaned on that window pane of her tiny apartment in Mumbai, Stuti was sitting with arms hugging her folded shaky legs. A half emptied fine bottle of Smirnoff, 3 cigarettes left in that Marlboro packet, tears were flowing relentlessly, wetting her face and neck; that too since how long, she had no idea. The point had come, she could not stand it more, and the pain in her heart had made her dead cold. Having the wildest thought running across her mind, she stood up slowly, looking for a wall to support her trembling legs and started looking for something specifically in her make-up box. After 20 seconds of blurring vision, she could grab a new unused razor from that bag. Fearlessly, she took the same position near that window.

Not looking at the target, she cut her ankle deep with her shuddering left hand and then slowly let the razor fall on the floor. She could feel no pain but a pleasure and a real pleasure hurting herself. Blood drenching her ankle, her foot and then painted the white marble floor in the most vibrant color. She could feel her body all drained out of blood and vodka taking its’ place; running through her arteries and veins. She smiled to herself out of that pain as Anant’s voice was echoing in her head, when he called her last time, eight months back.

‘This is what you really want; money, career, glamour  I mean nothing to you; our love means nothing to you. I want a simple girl who listens to me, who loves me, who can sacrifice for our love. You are not the one. I made a mistake, I chose a wrong girl. A girl like you doesn’t deserve my love, you don’t deserve me’, he was shouting at his peak on the call.

‘Listen to me Anant, why you comparing yourself with this practical stuff, you know I love you. Acting is my passion and I do it because I love to do it, not because I want glamor and money. I wanted to do that play because the character fascinated me. It had nothing to do with real life and the person I was romancing with, in the play. Why don’t you understand?’

‘I very well-understood Stuti, I know, you are not the one. You don’t respect me; you don’t respect my decisions. I did everything to be with you but all in vain’

‘Why would I need to respect you Anant, when I love you? Can’t you just accept me as I am and with everything I want to do?’

‘Hah! You love me Stuti??? I have sacrificed so many things for you. People sacrifice their lives in love and you can’t let go this filthy theater. I told you hundreds of times; I don’t like you to do all this nonsense. You know something, I used to love a simple girl from that small village of Kerala who had innocent dreams and who used to love me a lot since our childhood. But I guess she died long back or you killed her, I don’t know. But guess what? I don’t know you and I don’t want to anymore. So goodbye and everything is over and believe me when I say EVERYTHING IS OVER.’ these were Anant’s last words before disconnecting the call.

‘Why one has to sacrifice to prove one’s love? Why couldn’t we just love each other without sacrificing for each other? I love him but I never understood where I did wrong; I just loved my dreams and my passion which makes me complete. I have gained so much; but I am not happy. But, will I be happy leaving my passion for my love. Is this only love which I want to be happy, to be complete? He had argued several times with his orthodox parents who didn’t accept me, a girl from different caste. He hadn’t visited his home after the day his father abused me out of frustration. I know he loves me like nobody can. He denies but he knows that I love him. Then why we are apart? Why none of us want to leave our ego and embrace the selfless love.’ Stuti was asking the same questions to herself and to Anant in her alcoholic hallucination for like millionth of time. Sleepy, dreamy and hallucinating Stuti tied a scarf around her ankle and lit another cigarette. Leaned on the same window pane, she couldn’t realize when her quizzical, exhausted eyes fell asleep, without giving any solution for her happiness.


18 thoughts on “‘love left us’ – Part 2 -‘Sacrifice in love’

  1. So beautiful and thought provoking. What you write reminds me so much of what I wrote and where I was in my 20s except I think your words describe it so much better than mine ever could.

    • I will not buy that you are a terrific writer…i am also in my twenties though mid twenties n thanku for the appreciation…

  2. “Why one has to sacrifice to prove one’s love? Why couldn’t we just love each other without sacrificing for each other” — gr8 lines.

  3. 21st century domestic tragedy abandoned individual soaked with blood and tears trying to find out solutions of her own doings but in vain . after marriage the couple would meet a perfect communion is wrong to say in these times where they have their stiff self-identities wearing the funny gark of love to justify their union. the caste issues is thought provoking and affecting the lives of the new peple in such a way is a point to be concerned about. from centuries man is trying to be a part of his own created institutions (marriage,society) to enjoy them but every time forgets to give and craves for ends. thus this couple is passionate but not their bond, about their prospects which are not earthly ; flying for the man and playing other character’s role for the woman. they actually do not know what passion and what love is.the storyline is well built and well managed narrative.

    one more thing over which i want to emphasise. new Indian english writers are not using enviorment for depicting the mental status of the characters..and the reason i see for this that Indian English writers are not so good in imagination or we can say that they r not good at catching the mystic element . so Pooja u should think over this point too. iam seeing a very good story-teller in u ….and dont forget—for being a good writer one must be a good reader..best of luck dear.

    • This feedback was something I wanted and I have been waiting for since long… thank you for your comment Prashant Bhaiya…I am a beginner and I agree that I fail in creating the mystic element in my writings which I always want to …and yes, using the environment for depicting the mental status of the characters is something I need to learn…when I read you,I feel so motivated, the way you write about life… Life in front of one’s eyes, and reading you is to be there with you to feel that life… I will keep your words in my mind next time I am going to pen a tale….thank you so much!!!

  4. What a brilliant expression and well articulated ! The noxious human conditions in the matters of the heart. *Sigh* ! keep penning. Cheers.

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