Its’ four twenty three in the morning; background music of ocean splashes from the movie ‘the ship of Theseus’ filling my spooky empty apartment, (recently, I have developed this habit of listening movies than watching them), a packed blue giant suitcase and a stale rose bouquet from the Valentine’s Day. Yes, I am leaving this city after 4 years. Before this moment, I was thinking, I am going home. Am I really going home? A place full of love, security and comfort; that’s home; right? Convenient life, loving & dependable people and never alone; that’s home. But for a person, who is comfortable when insecure, scared, alone and independent – what’s an idea of home?
I came to this city alone with nothing but dreams. Four years back, first day in this apartment, which I never called home; I slept alone on floor bedding. I never had a more dreamful night in my life and surprisingly, all those dreams have come true by this time. I had my best and worst moments in this apartment. I laughed, cried, read, wrote here with the best companion I ever had, myself. I found a new friend within me here. Had long conversations until dawn with none but myself. This place taught me to be alone; not to be happy or sad but to be content, while alone. It was different than being in hostel, letting friends, roommates joining my giggles or wiping off the tears coursing down my cheeks, as none was here but me to do that all.
From the little stupid modern art on its walls to the old, not-so-pleasant but very accustomed fragrance its rooms have; everything is so damn mine here. You buy things everyday but seldom you create. I guess I created something here. From a scared, little village girl to a strong and independent woman; I guess I created a lot here. Poems, stories, love, strength and yes, I created a home here.
This is home for sure; my home and tonight is my last night here…
So, Saying goodbye to this home. I am damn sure I will never be able to create this home again.
See its’ morning… From last night to last morning in my home..
Not related to this piece but the only song playing in my mind… so ‘she is leaving home’