Adieu my home

Its’ four twenty three in the morning; background music of ocean splashes from the movie ‘the ship of Theseus’ filling my spooky empty apartment, (recently, I have developed this habit of listening movies than watching them), a packed blue giant suitcase and a stale rose bouquet from the Valentine’s Day. Yes, I am leaving this city after 4 years. Before this moment, I was thinking, I am going home. Am I really going home? A place full of love, security and comfort; that’s home; right?  Convenient life, loving & dependable people and never alone; that’s home. But for a person, who is comfortable when insecure, scared, alone and independent – what’s an idea of home?


I came to this city alone with nothing but dreams. Four years back, first day in this apartment, which I never called home; I slept alone on floor bedding. I never had a more dreamful night in my life and surprisingly, all those dreams have come true by this time. I had my best and worst moments in this apartment. I laughed, cried, read, wrote here with the best companion I ever had, myself. I found a new friend within me here. Had long conversations until dawn with none but myself.  This place taught me to be alone; not to be happy or sad but to be content, while alone. It was different than being in hostel, letting friends, roommates joining my giggles or wiping off the tears coursing down my cheeks, as none was here but me to do that all.

From the little stupid modern art on its walls to the old, not-so-pleasant but very accustomed fragrance its rooms have; everything is so damn mine here. You buy things everyday but  seldom you create. I guess I created something here. From a scared, little village girl to a strong and independent woman; I guess I created a lot here. Poems, stories, love, strength and yes, I created a home here.

This is home for sure; my home and tonight is my last night here…

So, Saying goodbye to this home. I am damn sure I will never be able to create this home again.

See its’ morning… From last night to last morning in my home..

Not related to this piece but the only song playing in my mind… so  ‘she is leaving home’



RIP to the rape victim‘Are you fucking kidding me…Do you seriously think that DGRC victim will rest in peace after what has happened to her? Tell me, if you and I were there on that night of 16th December and it was one of us who would have been raped and assaulted brutally with an iron rod, thrown off on road, lying with our body tattered apart… If I would be the one who would be fighting to hold on to life for more than 10 days, undergoing knife several times, multiple surgeries & organ failures while the media made zillions by turning me into a “HEADLINE”… If I would be the one who would be flown off to die on a foreign land only to pacify the unrest & anger…BELIEVE ME …. I WOULD NOT REST IN PEACE…


We have failed, we, all of us; we have failed as a society. She died; but galvanized a cause that will not die; she waked every one of us from our long sleep of ignorance. But did we really wake up or are we still sleeping? Ban the tinted glass vehicles, hang the culprits till death, much brutal punishment; there are so many resolutions, everyone is suggesting now. There are few precautions which are advising women not to go alone anywhere. The point is, sexual violence is so routine in India that most people are habituated to its prevalence. You open any newspaper on any given day and you find on an average about more than three sexual crimes reported.  So what was so different about this case – the absolute, appalling cruelty of it? So if the case is not so brutal, RAPE is fine with you? Or you are going to wait that victim should be dead like DGRC then only you are going to protest?

Yes, we all feel the same right now; this has to stop somewhere. But, what is the solution? Who is going to stop this? Would ‘impeding women going out late’ be suffice? We need a change in law and law makers; we need to make a stringent law against rape. But before that we need to think about a social transformation in our country. A social change where girls are physically prepared to fight against these situations; where you don’t gift your daughter a doll and your son a Cricket bat; a situation where you teach your sons that women are important and they are not only the sex objects; a situation where no woman would have to grow up with the fear that she will likely be raped. When your daughter is growing up, don’t tell her that her body is made to be covered; don’t tell her that she can’t do what her brother is doing and when I demand this social change in Indian society, I demand it in the India living in villages, that India where sons bring prestige and money while daughters are viewed as a burden with their dowries and low income prospects. We need to change the mind set of people around us, starting from our family. Being a young Indian girl, I know how it feels when your elder kin tells you to cover your chest with a dupatta, while of course escaping the dirty gawk. You feel embarrassed and unprivileged at the same time and your embarrassment doubles when your brother is standing nearby you. This does not only make you feel low in front of your brother but it teaches him that- if a girl is not wrapping her chest with dupatta he has all the right to stare at it; up to an extent that the girl would like to drown herself somewhere out of humiliation.

You raise your daughter as if being girl is her honor; she has all the right to say yes or no to anything and everything.

2nd agent to the social change should be in our cinema and the celebrity obsessed public. As suggested by economist Swaminathan Aiyar,’ yet item numbers and rape scenes are not the main problem. After all, cabaret dancers and villains are not role models. What’s truly terrible is the manner, in which film heroes have for decades pestered, stalked and forced their unwanted attentions on heroines in a thousand films, yet ended up getting the girl. That sends the most outrageous of all messages to the public: pestering girls is what heroes do, and a girl’s “no” actually means “yes.” According to one particular well-known screen villain did about 100 rape scenes “with the audience almost cheering him on.”In a celebrity obsessed Indian culture, where every dance move, every dialogue, ‘every items song- where girls are compared to tandoori murgis and supposed to be swallowed with alcohol’ is being followed by people blindly.

3rd is our identity. We are not only sisters, mothers, daughters, wives and girlfriends; we are human beings first. Why women are described in relation to someone too often? Why DGRC victim is called as ‘Daughter of India?’ She was a woman who had her own dream. Why when a woman is single, she has her dad’s name and when married, accustomed to take her husband’s name? You can judge from this thing that even after her death still DGRC victim is known as some pseudonyms given by media. What all are big shot people scared of? Why our society is such that even after her death, the family has to keep secrecy of her name just to avoid the family’s disgrace. She herself was a victim and her family is only ashamed? These social slurs increase recidivism, woman is fearful of reporting against these crimes, and ex rapist is encouraged to make the repetitive crime best option.

I know we cannot change ages of patriarchy and misogyny overnight. But we have to start somewhere. I am starting today:

  • I pledge not to ever forget this heinous incident.
  • I pledge not be indifferent to ‘eve-teasing’ and any violence against any woman in this world.I pledge that I will stand up to every man who dares to misbehave with a woman.
  • I pledge to treat every man with a doubt in my mind throughout my life.
  • I pledge to raise my voice every time I face harassment.
  • I pledge to raise my daughters, telling them, they are born to make a change in this society and to break its rules wherever they feel a need.

‘Thapaad Kha Roti Pakka – So what if your husband beats you’

This is not what a husband in the interiors of Punjab or Haryana is saying to his wife but this is what, these days our almighty high court judges are telling to every Indian woman in the name of keeping a family together and bright future of the kids. When one of my domestically violated friend told me that a judge told her to compromise and adjust with her husband’s mood swings (which eventually turn into brutal beatings almost every weekend) to keep her marriage alive, I thought there is something wrong with this judge’s grey matter or maybe he doesn’t have it for that matter.

But, hey I was wrong, this isn’t her case only; all our legal gods seem to have lost their marbles. This morning, when I started leafing through the last few days’ newspapers, (Yes, I read newspapers for a week in one day; have you got a problem with that.) there is this one case came up. During one of the domestic violence case hearing, some Bhaktavatsala, a high court judge from Karnatka, said these wonderful words to the victim lady, “Women suffer in all marriages.  You are married with two children, and know what it means to suffer as a woman. Yesterday, there was a techie couple who, reconciled for the sake of their child. Your husband is doing good business; he will take care of you. Why are you still talking about his beatings?”

Please somebody pinch me and say I was reading these lines in one of my dreams. How can a high court judge tell a victim to accept her husbands’ beatings just because she is a woman and what the hell means, “Woman suffers in all marriages.” Above all he is not advising the woman to be financially independent but saying that she should be beaten every day because “her husband is doing good business.”

I really pity this judge’s law school which taught him only Tulsidas saying, “Dhol Gawanr Shudra Pashu Nari, Sakal Tadan ke Adhikari” means ‘DHOL,( Drum) SHUDRA(Of or belonging to lower caste),PASHU(Animal),NARI(women) are to be beaten brutally and  to be kept as dust below the feet”. Plus I really pity his chauvinistic mentality and statements which can impact thousands of domestic violence cases in Indian courts.

I really don’t know how system, law and our so called opinionates are going to react on his statement or if they are going to ignore it. For me and for any sensible human being, verbal or physical- any kind of violence is unacceptable even if it is in a relationship. Even if your husband is a multi-millionaire or a road laborer, he cannot beat you to release out his frustration from work from where he is paying your bills. After this statement, what this judge expects that all women should have a sigh of relief and say, “Thank God! Beating wives is not a constitutional right for every man in our country.”

I am not saying that every household dispute has divorce as a climax but accepting somebody’s violence just to pacify everything is not adequate. There are so many problems when two people decide to live together. Sometimes your spouse is driving you crazy with his or her nagging habits but mind it that happens with both HIM & HER. Just because you are a man & stronger than your counterpart – nobody has given you this right of releasing your hormonal frustration on a woman. Woman is no-fucking piece of a born-punching bag for you people and your god-damn frustration. So For Mr. Bhaktavatsala and People like him, I don’t care if you are born from a woman’s womb or some dropped down shit of a flying bird known as ‘Male Chauvinism’ but mind it and be careful when you are advising a woman, while sitting in a Judge’s chair or sitting next to your wife or daughter at your home.

‘Thapaad Kha Roti Pakka’ is history baby!!!! 

‘Can an Actor change a nation? – Yes, He can and so can I’ – Aamir Khan graces cover of Time magazine

Yes, he can. Not only an actor but a solider, a doctor, a police man, a school teacher even a poor villager earning Rs. 500 per month; has got the capability and power to change a nation. Aamir Khan, an Indian Bollywood actor dared to change the old school of Bollywood and chose to stand for social issues of India rather than selling soaps and detergents in advertisements. Today he got featured on US magazine TIME’s cover page for taking up India’s social issues on his television show ‘Satyamev Jayate’. Discussing issues like Female Foeticide, dowry, domestic violence, Child sex-abuse, medical issues, Un-touchability, Honor Killings, opposing big fat Indian weddings and supporting differently abled people on a national forum, he has talked about so many things in these thirteen weeks of duration of his show. He showed the real face of India to the ‘New Yo-Yo generation’. I don’t know if Aamir khan and his show have just moved us or we are going to move-on after the truth has knocked at our door..

Or maybe, we think that he has a face, a name and a history behind him and that’s what has worked for him. Do we have the capability of doing the same? Maybe we don’t have readers, audiences and followers like he has and may be our start up is not going to make to ‘TIME’ but still we have the capability of doing a bit of our part.

We complain for the poor education facility in our country; but we never cared to teach our maid’s son at home just for half an hour. We complain for the poor health conditions but as a doctor we chose to open our own clinic and not to work in a remote area to help the have-nots. We curse the country for the social slurs like domestic violence; but we never chose to interfere our drunkard neighbor’s fight with his wife’ no matter we attend her funeral the very next morning. We shout to the slogans of ‘No more honor killings’ but back at home; we oppose our kids to go for an inter-caste marriage. We call our country a big heap of shit; but we never care to clean our part of that shit. Instead we chose to leave the country, get settled in developed countries and come back for Diwali’s every year. If you really want to do something for India; I guess you need to be there in India.

JKF has once said, ‘Once Do Something, Do Anything except stand around with your hand out for freebies.’ ‘Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country’. I am born and bred in India, no matter how my country is; it’s my country, if it is not the best, we are going to make it better. Every other day I read slanderous and corroded posts and tweets by my young friends about how pitiable our condition is, how scrawny our government is, how corrupt our politicians are, how they say, and ‘there is nothing going to change in India.’ If our youth is spreading this message to the world, there is absolutely nothing going to change in India.

We got our freedom 65 years back; but what we have done of that freedom, how much we could have made of that freedom. We are standing on the carcasses of people who had fought, sacrificed and died for our freedom; what are we doing with it? We are still bound to the shackles of superstitions, corruptions, social bondage, religious atrocities, political incapacities and so forth.

 Yes, we do need personalities like Aamir Khan who has such a mass appeal and influential power who can speak to masses and leave impressions on their mind, soul and lives. But at the same time we should not step back in doing our own bit for the country we live in.  Mind it, if you don’t like anything, stop complaining and start changing it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Our parents have lived a life and our next generation is going to live their life; we have only our life to stand for the things we don’t like and dare to change them. I hope we can make our India, the dream india of our freedom fighters:

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;

Where knowledge is free,

Where the world has not been
broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;

Where words come out

from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving
stretches its arm towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason

has not lost its way
into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind
is led forward by thee into
ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom,

my Father, let my country awake.

Drugs, Faith and Rape

After ages and finally ashamed on my lethargy on a weekend, I decided to perform my newspaper rituals and read it devotedly. Not to my surprise, everything so conventional was there, corruption, dirty politics, doping in sports and Rapes. Again not a unusual news for any metro city: A Mumbai girl was drugged and raped in a Kolkata park. Some five to six months ago, a woman at a Gas nightclub (Mumbai) was taken by 5 men;  who gang raped her before dumping  at Bandstand Mumbai.  Rapes are common in metropolitan cities but all of the sudden, Drug-facilitated rapes, the date rape drugs, Rohypnol, GHB, roofies, roaches, or the forget pill beats other hot topics on Google. The drugs which were being used in countries like America and Europe to cure severe sleep disorders are ruining thousands of girls’ lives in most of the metropolitan cities.

Apart from these Hi-Fi drugs, high doses of alcohol are also used as date rape drugs. Imagine a tasteless drug which you can consume unknowingly in a soft drink or juice can leave you confused, sedated, and finally raped when you will get up after 18 or 24 hours. This is not the limit; excess of these drugs can even cause cardiac and respiratory arrest, coma, or death. Some of them are even worst when you can’t remember what exactly happened with you a night before. Sometimes these drugs also affect the fertility of a woman.  In 80% of the cases, the person who gives drugs to the victim is her friend, boyfriend or a known person whom she trusts, accompanies him and finally got trapped. We call ourselves 21st century girls who believe in freedom, nightlife, parties, and live-in relationships; but do we believe in letting somebody take advantage of the trust we put in the person? Do we really want to enjoy a night life with complete strangers or with people who can drag us into a situation like this?

Before jumping into the solutions how we can try to tackle these situations; let me make things more visible by putting you in the worst situation. Do you know rape is one of the most profane experiences a girl can endure?  This is not a physical trauma but it is always aggravated by our society that customarily blames and makes rape victims unacceptable. According to the figures, at least 75% of rape victims suffer from chronic psychological conditions all their lives, 15% commit or try to commit suicide and 10% die or suffer from enduring physical disorder after the sexual assault.

I know after reading this, you would have had Goosebumps; but this is reality. Girls, new in cities, new in love or with immature and improper curiosity for night life, fast life end up like this and the biggest reason behind this is faith; trusting a wrong person. I know he can be your boyfriend, whom you think: can never do any wrong to you but actually he can and you should always have to  keep your eyes and ears open before following him blindly. I am not saying going out late night, parties are reasons behind rapes but trusting a person blindly and give all your strings to him is not a wise decision. You go out, have drinks but remember few things in the parties you are attending:

  • First of all try avoiding parties thrown by friends of friends or strangers.
  • Try to go in a group and by group, I mean your own friends, your room-mates or longtime friends.
  • Never leave your drink unattended.
  • Always try to get a drink only from the bartender, waiter, or waitress.
  •  At parties, never accept open container drinks from anyone.
  • Whenever you are leaving your drink to go to the washroom or dance floor; try to finish it before leaving or get a fresh one when you are back
  • Do not take any drink, juice from someone you don’t trust or from anyone for that matter. Remember, at least 80% of all rapes are committed by acquaintances.

Finally Stay Safe and always remember which I had read somewhere “Don’t ever get excited & blindly trust any new person you meet. If you already have some good friends then don’t look for many friends & don’t let your friend turn into your enemy. People change just like seasons. Stay with only those whom you think that they won’t be leaving you ever. People come & go in your life & you don’t have to worry about why they left. Enjoy spending time with a friend who knows everything about you & understands what friendship is….”

Don’t tell your daughters not to go alone; tell your sons how to behave

” Nazar Teri Buri Aur Parda Mein Karoon?’ ‘Don’t tell me how to dress, tell them not to rape,

No, you can’t go alone there; No, you can’t wear that; no you can’t opt that job; why? ‘Because you are a girl.’ And being a girl is a crime you never chose to do. These are some of the things my parents and your parents, in the name of our safety, have been telling us since we were born. Why a girl has so many restrictions? Not, because girls can do anything wrong; if we were given liberty. The reason is because some bloody, gibberish, SONS of DOGS who cannot control their sexual urge; can rape her. The irony is , these dogs are never taught at home; how to behave with girls but  girls,  are always taught how to dress up so that we can escape from the greedy glance of these dogs, how to ignore these dogs.

If a girl is raped on a street late at night; the first thing people ask why she was there on the street so late. Why she was alone? What she was doing? What she was wearing? What was her occupation? Nobody asks who the hell was that bastard who did this to her. Even if she was a prostitute; who gave right to these mother f***ers to do anything to her. Even she was wearing revealing clothes and their god-damn sexual urge is so damn aroused, I think, I have no shame in telling that without anybody’s help they can calm it down with their own hands in any public toilet. So, who gave this right to men to take any open-minded girl as a f***ing piece of their inherited property that they can do anything with her.

I don’t get this mentality. Obviously Man and woman are created by God with different bodies but who said which body part to be revealed or which is not to be. Its only skin we have; nothing else. If men are blaming us for wearing shorts, showing cleavages and bra strap as a reason of rapes ; Can’t we blame them for wearing shorts (again), those deep neck t-shirts showing chest hair and those low waist jeans where their Jockey’s line is yelling to come out, for the same reason.

But it’s not about we, young people, it started long back when we entered 13 and our brothers entered 13. Nobody told them they are grownups; but every scary glance on our body reminded us that we are grownups. Moms told us not to wear body hugged tops, not to go alone anywhere, not to play much with boys of our class. They never told their son not to look at girls as if they were nude, not to eve-tease, Not to RAPE. Parents tell girls n number of things before they leave house to be safe. They never told their sons how to make their fellow girls friends feel safe.

If girls were given insecurity by saying they are not safe; mind it; but they are never going to be safe for their whole life.  Instead give them confidence to leave the house alone and kicking in between the legs of any strangers who tries to take advantage in any sense. Ok, I agree, parents can tell their girls to be safe which is actually required in this god-damn society full of bastards but at the same time they should teach their sons not to become one of those bastards.

If you want to tell your daughters something; tell them to be bold. If you want to teach something to your daughters; teach them how to become a pain for all those bastards out there. If you want to give something to your daughters; give them a faith that whatever happens you will always stand by them supporting them. At the same time don’t forget to tell your sons ;how to be a gentleman to every woman he meets every day. If you want to teach them something; teach them how to respect woman. And if you want to give something to them; give them a faith that you know whatever happens they will not be a shame for the society they live in.

Marriages are made in hell..

I remember when I was young; I saw a Hollywood movie and witnessed the Christian marriage for the first time. The father at the church asks,’ Do you take her as your wedded wife or do you take him as man of your life?’ and they say’ ‘Yes, I DO.’ At that time, I was not mature enough to understand the love, the time taken to explore each other before those vows or the compatibility you and your partner share enough to take your relationship to the next level. Moreover,we have more of arrange marriages here in my country. Divorce is a thing which is a taboo for a well cultured couple. Sometime, it is an offense to the Indian middle-class society. You are not allowed to leave your husband, no matters if he kills you or the melancholy of a failed marriage kills you. I live in a society where the would-be husband decides what you are going to do, wear what kind of dresses, using social networking sites or not, being in a job or not or even live or not. What the fuck do our society, our culture, and our values bloody flaunt of, when they actually have nothing.  There is no love needed for marriage here. People decide on marriages as if it is a contract. If you can leave your job then we can get married, if you can stop wearing jeans then we are good, if you are not on any social networking sites, then we can marry. WTF all you guys think of a girl? Is she fucking dropped down from the sky? She has done nothing in her life. Her parents mean nothing to her or what? I love a man. I love him because he is he, because he does the things he loves to do. But he can’t love me for what I am. He needs to change me. He has also committed blunders in his life and I have accepted him with all of them; but no, he has to flash my small past mistakes and has to do it for our whole life until I commit suicide or his distrust and his family members’ continuous tantrums kill me. I had no intention to post something like this today until I heard that news which almost changed me as an Indian woman. My flat mate’s friend committed suicide day before yesterday or her husband killed her, nobody knows. I had known her through my friend only as she was her best friend. She was a girl full of life, fond of clothes, fashion, travelling and living her life on the edge. She has been suffering from a disease, very common in Indian society, the domestic violence. She was not a woman dependent on her husband for her bread and butter. Then what stopped her from leaving her husband and start a new life all these four years? I tell you, it was you, yes, you the common middle-class Indian. The Indian society and apostles of the domestic violence in the name of culture and values here killed her finally. It was you, who threatened her of divorce and the miserable life of a single woman in India. If a woman doesn’t want to get married or even she wants to get separated from her husband after marriage, then how many slurs our society would cast on her, we can hardly imagine. If a girl doesn’t want to get married, it means there is something wrong with her and her life. I don’t know who talks about the freedom and improvement of women’s condition in Indian society. I am sorry but apart from a handful of open-minded families, nobody is ready to accept this fact that GIRLS ARE NOT ONLY MEANT TO BE DOMESTICATED. In a society, where people and even educated, elite people boast of ancient customs like “sati where a widow throwing herself on her husband’s funeral pyre. This is disgusting and ironical also, because in my country I get everything equal to men, from education to jobs,  sometimes we have quotas also; but when I am married I suddenly become the HOUSE KEEPER. My friends, whether male or female are no more mine after mt marriage. I need to forget them all just like this. My family is history; I can’t go and see my mother without my in-laws permission. Its ironical that on one side my country MEN are supporting SONIA GANDHI, an Italian lady but an Indian daughter-in-law to become the next  Prime Minister of India, and on the other side, WHEN THEY COME HOME THEY BRUTALLY BEAT THEIR WIVES FOR NOT MAKING THEIR DAAL-CHAWAL PERFECTLY.